No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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