lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
