Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
