scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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