Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
