all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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