It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
