can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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