I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
