hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
