I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
