Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
