I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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