she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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