so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
