there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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