No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
