Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
