I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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