My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
