Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
