Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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