she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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