Whod you bang
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
