well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
