): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
