so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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