Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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