So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
