what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
