Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
