I think I died a long time ago.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
