You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
