jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
