I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need moral support for this bender
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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