did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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