I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My feet surprised me
Randomize
