Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They took my balls.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
