I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
