just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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