Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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