i don't like sucking hair
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let's get the cat blown out
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