Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
