Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
