i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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