mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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