It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
