This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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