I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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