Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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