I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Someone signed my nipple.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
